Schrödinger

Last night i spent some time trying to change my past actions, trying to find a way to make things different, so i went online and revised the characteristics of the Schrödinger's Equation, somehow, i ended up making a relation between the experiment, and how rumors work on people's minds.

I also wrote something about that, don't know if it can be called a poem, but whatever.
So the point is, if you make people belive in things that could happen they can antecipate the consequences, even if such is only a possibility, that being the kind of situation where you could possibly save someone, or lead the same person the it's death, it's an interesting concept, and hope to remember of it later, so i can explore the subject a lot more.

Then now, here's what i wrote:


Schrödinger's Cat

The cat is dead, and it is inside the box,
as an assumption of what some folks wanted to hear,
so the rumor spread and went outside the box,
killing everyone, because they all killed themselves
in despair, and fear of dying,
from the disease that haunts here.

As the many bodies fell to the cold ground,
the cat, who stood inside the box, was alive,
and decided to take a walk among the dead,
seeing no one to play with, he returned to
the box, where he decided to die.

And, when the cat died inside the box, the people
once again alive, were watching the cat's lifeless,
body inside the box.

[DB]


I think i'm the cat, but in the world we all live today, everyone is a cat.

The Old Sour Poems

Recently, i haven't wrote much, mostly because my life is running a little too fast, besides that, i've been taking my spare time to listen to some of the 80's rock and reading some nice books bit to renew my vocabulary, however, i've done a few poems in the meanwhile, but instead of posting all of them at once, i decided to post one-a-day so that the blog doesn't look as dead as it does now.

Situations in my personal life haven't helped much either, the last psychological experiment i made with myself failed, and only made me hate people a lot more than i used to, it's almost like as if i can't get very near them, or else...and that's really about as good as it gets when i'm in a bad mood (and for people's information, i'm always in a bad mood, exceptions are rare cases, and happen almost never).

Anyways, the poem, here it is, and i belive this first one, describes my feelings at the moment.


Grudge

People lost sense of what's right,
i'll tell 'em what i care for,
when i lose my mind, and break them down,
perhaps give in to the hate some more.

'Cuz no matter how long the walk takes,
the pathway to nowhere doesn't seem to
make me forget, that i got many old problems,
so many that i can even call it..."habit".

And so much for pacifism,
what does it help when you're on the smokes,
burning out every bit of yourself,
like coal for the engine that whistles.

"Out of Patience" explains my disorder,
the reason i want to murder my feelings
is the reason that made my heart "Out of Order"
people's actions which dragged me here,
the many things that cause them problems.

Oh the true grudge i have,
i wish to let it out,
so toxic,
it needs to flow out,
of my heart,
while it poisons me,
may it be the antidote,
for the hipocricy of the lot,
and the like.

[DB]

I was thinking about changing my usual last lines, that i always do in the posts, but why care? after all they're always just me ranting about some shit that happened, or the subject of the post...ah to hell with that, it's not a priority.

Straying Far

Oh well, hello there people, how were things in the mid-time?Personally, i don't give a bird's shit about that, and it might seem to be rude of me to behave in such manner, although most of individuals, passerbies, protagonists, antagonists and the like treated me the same way as shown on the lines above.
This last weekend i got to think about it for the 15 minutes of my half-an-hour bath (usually the only time of the day i get to think about stuff that doesn't concern n'or changes my repetitive life, in a philosophical analisis), surprisingly, the subject made me ask myself of how would it be if i tried that behavior for the sake of experimental purposes, also known as "Being Bored".
I made it through today, precisely 2/5 of the weekdays carrying the selfish, egocentric, and acid mindset, pretty much it resumes as an exercise (of course not for the unstable of heart or mind), of changing your "viewpoint" for the period of five consecutive days, acting like the usual, but in moments of reflection about practically anything that comes to your head, you observe them and describe, in a notepad or notebook, as a person of the choosen mindset would do.

Now, the whole experience is not a terrible way of putting yourself into someone else's shoes or at least understand how do you view those who think "that way". I for example picked the one i like to call "Parallel Citzen", "parallel" for the fact it completely ignores the action-reaction happening around him almost cynically, leading him to believe in a self-generated lie that the world does not influentiate neither changes it's life.
I always had the curiosity of understanding why those people actually seem to be a lot happier than me, because in their tiny-little brains, they just fake every kind of alibi to prettend they don't have anything to do with anyone, not even the basic human ethics of life, society, classes, hierarchy and so on.

And for my surprise i'm on to something with this, i'm starting to understand the explanation for those things, and sadly, i'm liking what i'm getting to.

Let's hope i don't end up like them, i can only hope.
[DB]

A Devil's Tongue

One might spend his whole life thinking of ways to change his own fate, others just chase blindly what awaits them beyond the door, i like to shape my own destiny to my will.

Many would think it's quite impossible to play with these things, although, i'd say it's easy as a game of chess. After a certain amount of time playing with the same opponent, you come to realise the pattern of it's moves, with nothing but the king, the priest, and the queen, you'd be left to die in the board, however, it takes a desperate sight, to conclude that those are the most mobile pieces, and you just had your way cleared of the lowly peons and unworthy knights.

Takes a will of iron, and a swift hand of steel, to prevent the incoming losses, yet at the same time advance to point your sword to the neck of the opposing sovereign. With all your might, you have only one chance in this fight, it's only one chance in this life.

As some say, i do have a devil's tongue, and i can't help but thank the one whore who gave me birth, and stained my mortal existance with the dark tones of sin, who taught me everything that is unforgivable in the eyes of God.

[DB]

The Dark Side of the Smiling Moon.

This week has been a tough one, dealing with people while studying for the exams wasn't an easy task. Days were boring, tiresome, and annoying all the same, and of course i got mixed up in some problems, but i managed to resolved them as usual, letting them colide and destroy themselves in the crash.

While returning from school, sometimes i get to see the moon smiling upon me, a sign that i'm not alone, that no matter where i'll be, she's always going to be there, watching over me, and smiling, even in the worst times, giving me hope to move on, and showing me that everything is temporary, and soon enough i'll be with her, up there in the night sky.

Anyways, a changing point in my life is about to come, i can faintly feel it, but as soon as i get to finish school this year, i can start making plans for my future, and most importantly, be able to make them work. It's in times like these that i feel relieved, to notice that phases in my life are passing, time is moving slowly, and everything is functioning, meaning that it's just a matter of will and luck to change the story i'm living, in a way that pleases me.

I hope things come to a point where i get able to choose my own path, by my own hand.

[DB]

And when it doesn't get good, it gets worse.

I still don't know how does this shitty life works, when you're supposed to get the "sweet tastes" it gets bitter, and when it gets bitter, it reaches the most sour taste you could imagine...it's a metaphor if you haven't noticed.

Anyways, when will get my chance at making it big? People i know have hopes on me, and i hope too, but the chances are the worst, i already tried pursuing them, even thought they're just as useless as the others, and i still think God is an evil guy who finds it fun to put me on the spotlight and shake me from side to side, just to laugh at my face.

People simply can't comprehend that i am lazy, that i am demotivated, that i am depressed, and that this way, i won't have strenght to keep going, and it's not even like i'm not trying, the last experiences made made me very pessimist person, and there's nothing i can do about it, so here's a message for those trying to change me:

- Thanks for the support, and effort, BUT I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO CHANGE!

...'cause sometimes you just need to be that obvious.

And so, another week starts, and it's not starting to well, so i suppose by my knowledge, that if it's starting this way, it might probably just get absurdly ironic and unfortunate.

So i leave a poem, for people who just happen to be on to the same situation as me:


The Boat to Eternity.

I've watched the trees growing,
and the farmers with high hopes,
for richer times to come.
The mothers carrying their childs,
anxiously, for about nine months,
inside their wombs.

Both grow, with high expectations,
and life itself offers no chance of prospection.
Like every living being, they're destined to die,
unnevitably,
it's a fact that haunts each and every meaning of life.

I've seen the last autumn leaf fall from the old tree,
nobody pays attention, but the leaves falling mean so much more to me.
Falling leaves are meant to show humankind,
that nothing more than a certain end awaits it,
so don't mind it.

As the natural course of things is bound to change,
the old will depart, and the young will remain,
following their fathers steps,
while their sons follow them again.

They've seen the skies change,
i have seen the time fly.
They've been to places all around,
and i have always watched them from affar.

Death is this arduous journey,
long, and filled with many memories.
Death is always going to be a nostalgic journey.

[DB]

Let's just hope my week doesn't get too bad to tolerate without losing a nerve.

Last week's probation

This week has been a tough one, it got worse everyday little by little, like always, i don't even know how to i find strenght to go through and move on, it seemed like a probation and this time it felt like one, and i ask myself if this is the odd process of becoming a better person.

Anyways, it got even colder here, this weather is somewhat nice, but it makes me wish for someone to hold tight and have by my side, i know i have myself but it doesn't seem enough to cover the need i have for a person that understands me and talks about life in a way that makes me feel confortable, i guess it will keep going this way for some more years.

Somehow, i already got to understand that life is nothing but a test, and one day it get's over, and you're set free, or placed back on the system, or whatever. I personally hope, that after i die i get to rest in a warm place under a tree, seeing the wind blow the leaves, whistling a song slowly with the moon and sun sharing the same morning light sky.

I really get like this sometimes, and the music i'm listening doesn't help at all, at least it sounds damn good and tranquil, almost divine, but well, it's Nujabes so if you know who the artist was or ever listened to one of his songs, you know the feeling of peace that comes from his music,
if not, then by all means, check it out, it's just great if you want to relax, or just chill your mind out.

Well, i'm trying everyday to keep going, since i can't give up easily, it will take a lot more time for me to fall down.
[DB]