It NEVER lets me rest...

As i grow old, i've come to realize that friendship is a little too rare to be found or made, the old friends i had, all strayed far from me, and i keep walking alone, like a diseased animal, left out of the group for being weak.

Just when i thought i could count on somebody, i got stabbed in the back again, i should start listening to myself, and stop trusting people, or else it will get worse...if you could only know how much my heart screams for vengeance, i wish i could only get a gun and rampage killing everyone in my sight, yet, once again, if i stood alive somehow i'd end up sick with an overwhelming guilt haunting my life to the last days of it.

Of one thing i'm sure, this world isn't my place, i don't belong here, but i must acomplish something and i still don't know what, but makes sense if you get the idea of a personal purpose, and makes even more sense if you think of it as the only bound that keeps me living, an unknown chain that locks me on the ground of my own defeat.

Sadly i haven't found out how to get over it, as if it weren't obvious from the begining, love once again disapointed me, is there love in this world after all?
...perhaps it might be my purpose to find real love, i could even consider it loving someone, but i already do, and it doesn't take much to be my friend especially if you (pretend) are someone with ideals, and some (fake) loyalty, i'm a loyal friend, and i promised myself to never leave none of my friends in need until their last minutes, however, i wish i could meet someone like this to be my friend.

I do remember the time i used to talk to myself through my diary it felt like walking side by side with a younger me, and now it makes me smile faintly, perhaps i'm just another note on that book, and an older me is by my side at the moment, trying to make me feel better, that's the kind of connection, that i can't get anywhere else, and no one else can comprehend.
I don't know if it's love, but i do feel like i'm the only one who can understand me,
breaking the barrier of time and space to confort myself in another reality, another time, it's quite strange, but it's easy to understand once you're used to it.


Take care, young man, i'll be watching you, take care of me too.
[DB] to [DB]