Something from Deep Within my Heart.

I'm sorry for not writting here the last few months, i've been trying to get my life in shape properly, finding a job, looking at things positively, building up good relationships, and, as you probably have guessed, i did not succeed again.

Amidst sadness and despair of time moving to slow for me, another amount of my hope, faith and sanity has been taken away from me, but i'm so used to it by now that i don't bother with it at all, it's my the routine.

What bothers me is that i really try my best whenever an opportunity comes up, and i never get my chance to prove myself as a reliable individual, as a competent professional, or anything else, no matter how hard i try. Giving up still doesn't seem like the right thing to do, considering that i allow myself to have at least one wish come true in this miserable life of mine, to die in order to save someone, and sacrifice my life for another that really deserves it, but believe me or not, even that is going to be hard one to make work.

The world of today is so wrong in so many ways, people are going literally "moral-blind", and to me that's the sign of two major things, one is that the people are becoming desperate and striving to survive in such a hostile environment, and the other is that the world is completely out of hope, and permanently unable to recover from the state it is now, thus, we are living in the pre-stage of an endless "New Dark Age".

I've also allowed myself, again, to express my feelings through words, and i did wrote some poems, a few lyrics and many small lines of thought i'd be happy to share here, so probably i will be writting here a little more often in the upcoming months.

Here's something from deep within my heart:

Hate Towards God.


This is oddly bad,
absurdly unconvenient,
inconsiderate,
and very, very sad.

Once again i fall in my constant,
unfair, daily struggle against God,
who always defeats me triumphantly.

I can not prettend to accept,
a "superior being" to whom we all own respect,
who should watch for us all,
and yet,
let us live in such a land so disgraceful, miserable, and foul.

It could be described, the moment i'm living,
as a living Hell.
But it feels more like purgatory,
as nothing changes,
nothing good happens,
i feel stuck with my feet in the plain floor,
and i don't feel at all, "Well".

This is not a song,
it is not a poem,
it is the written, residual disposal of all that pollutes my mind,
all that drowns my lungs,
and make me choke while i'm breathing,
that sickens my heart,
and spreads to my veins,
poisons my soul,
again,
again,
and again!

I wish,
and beg for an answer.
I bleed,
as i ask for some guidance.

"Why, God?"
"Why is life in this land so hard for me?"

He laughs at my face,
he always does.
He mocks me with all he can,
lightning and storm,
misfortune and scorn.

The hate, causes my sanity to fade,
as a consequence to what my weary eyes see.
A reality which looks more like a bloody nightmare,
a world that's not made for me.

Still, shall i be defeated and broken,
i will stand my ground, unchanged,
for my words need not to be spoken.

"The day i fall, may the sun not shine a light,
for i will hunt you down, God, and make of it
a dreadfull sight."

[DB]

And today, my line of thought of the day will be:

"Roses wither as time goes by, so does the heart"