Back in the Dark Place, aren't we?

Don't you just love when life decides to crush your dreams in a finger snap, quick and swiftly making you depressed and feeling hopeless?

Well... I don't.

When i come to think of the way i want my life to be, i see a beautiful sepia dream, with bright lights, soft tones and sweet, sweet serenity. And when i stop to think of how can i get there, and the obstacles i would have to cross in order to achieve this dream, i suddenly start panicking inside my head, in a quiet despair that goes along for just too long.

It's no surprise everything seems more dificult to me than it does to anybody else, considering the amount of disapointment i've already experienced in my life, the simple act of taking a step forward always fills you up with more than a generous dose of doubt, impotence, weakness and so on. I couldn't simply put on words what if feels like to take a chance, knowing you're already going to fail, hoping for a miracle, and then, you just lose, that's the easiest way to explain the déjà vu that is my life.


Anyways, like always, i'll be showing something i wrote.
This time, it's somewhat of a prayer that i'm going to get engraved on a ring, so i can remember it when i need to.

The Lone Soul's Prayer


In the End of this Life,
may Death set me apart,
from the Pain and Sorrow,
that inhabits my Soul.

When my Time here is over,
may Death bring me Closer,
to Friends i Care for,
to the ones i Loved so.


[DB]


The line of thought of today is:
"The colors of the sky reflect the world. The sky is red like sin"

Something from Deep Within my Heart.

I'm sorry for not writting here the last few months, i've been trying to get my life in shape properly, finding a job, looking at things positively, building up good relationships, and, as you probably have guessed, i did not succeed again.

Amidst sadness and despair of time moving to slow for me, another amount of my hope, faith and sanity has been taken away from me, but i'm so used to it by now that i don't bother with it at all, it's my the routine.

What bothers me is that i really try my best whenever an opportunity comes up, and i never get my chance to prove myself as a reliable individual, as a competent professional, or anything else, no matter how hard i try. Giving up still doesn't seem like the right thing to do, considering that i allow myself to have at least one wish come true in this miserable life of mine, to die in order to save someone, and sacrifice my life for another that really deserves it, but believe me or not, even that is going to be hard one to make work.

The world of today is so wrong in so many ways, people are going literally "moral-blind", and to me that's the sign of two major things, one is that the people are becoming desperate and striving to survive in such a hostile environment, and the other is that the world is completely out of hope, and permanently unable to recover from the state it is now, thus, we are living in the pre-stage of an endless "New Dark Age".

I've also allowed myself, again, to express my feelings through words, and i did wrote some poems, a few lyrics and many small lines of thought i'd be happy to share here, so probably i will be writting here a little more often in the upcoming months.

Here's something from deep within my heart:

Hate Towards God.


This is oddly bad,
absurdly unconvenient,
inconsiderate,
and very, very sad.

Once again i fall in my constant,
unfair, daily struggle against God,
who always defeats me triumphantly.

I can not prettend to accept,
a "superior being" to whom we all own respect,
who should watch for us all,
and yet,
let us live in such a land so disgraceful, miserable, and foul.

It could be described, the moment i'm living,
as a living Hell.
But it feels more like purgatory,
as nothing changes,
nothing good happens,
i feel stuck with my feet in the plain floor,
and i don't feel at all, "Well".

This is not a song,
it is not a poem,
it is the written, residual disposal of all that pollutes my mind,
all that drowns my lungs,
and make me choke while i'm breathing,
that sickens my heart,
and spreads to my veins,
poisons my soul,
again,
again,
and again!

I wish,
and beg for an answer.
I bleed,
as i ask for some guidance.

"Why, God?"
"Why is life in this land so hard for me?"

He laughs at my face,
he always does.
He mocks me with all he can,
lightning and storm,
misfortune and scorn.

The hate, causes my sanity to fade,
as a consequence to what my weary eyes see.
A reality which looks more like a bloody nightmare,
a world that's not made for me.

Still, shall i be defeated and broken,
i will stand my ground, unchanged,
for my words need not to be spoken.

"The day i fall, may the sun not shine a light,
for i will hunt you down, God, and make of it
a dreadfull sight."

[DB]

And today, my line of thought of the day will be:

"Roses wither as time goes by, so does the heart"

I am made of nothing, and in the nothing i reside.

It took me sometime to write the blog again since i've been very busy recently, pondering about my existence as well as my reason for being in this world, all while being occupied with daily chores, prohibiting myself from leaving my personal quarters oftenly, let alone the other near rooms, and the apartment itself.

During a very unpleasant conversation with a friend of mine (not much of a "friend" right now),
i came to stitch a few words together making such a phrase if i recall properly:

"...I am made of nothing, when i'm gone, the sky will still be set, and to the nothing i will come back."

Well, needless to say, she probably didn't like or couldn't understand what i'd said, replied in a very rude tone, and kept lecturing me about the way i (do not) react to certain difficulties in my life. I for one, do not aprove neither apreciate ignorance, and if someone can't comprehend a message as simple as that, then the least i can do is turn my back, and head somewhere else, preferably a place where my thoughts can be at least respected, after all i don't think people should agree with everything i say, however, people should respect each others way of seeing things, it's a basic knowledge required for living alongside one or more people, either you accept it or you can live inside a cave.

Now, back to the meaning of the title, what i meant by the phrase, is a simple question i made to myself, and answered right after a good while thinking. What am i? What am i, in the essence of it? The answer: "I am nothing, before i was born there was nothing, and after i die, there will be nothing. I can make all the efforts to make my mark in this world, but one day, it will disappear, innevitably, and it's not like i am telling people to stop trying, i'm trying to explain a fact, that many struggle to accept, the end."

After a certain point in this life, sometime ago,
i learned to accept the end, and embrace it,
you can't run from it, but you also don't know when it'll come,
so do all you can, the best you can,
what makes you happy, what feels alright,
don't give in to the restrictions,
as for now, that's all,
when the end comes,
we'll all be nothing,
as we were in times before.



[DB]


...Sounded a little bit too poetic?
Well, i can't help it, the human soul is so much, and yet so little,
and repeating what said during the end of the mentioned conversation in the post:
"...I know the truth, but i don't have to accept it, as i'd rather believe in different place for, with no more pain and sadness."

Words that roll down like tears.

Yesterday was another one of those painfull days where you're taken away from the peace in heaven's clouds and thrown back at the despair of the deep abyss.

It was a tough day specially for the many things i noticed defective in my life up 'till now, and it made me realise it wasn't going to be easy to pursue a better life (even tought, i was thinking it was impossible, back then).

As a way of relieving myself, i started writting my pain down, and so this poem came as the words rolled down from my pen like tears from my face.


The Sadness of me.

Sometimes i feel tired of watching it all pass like this,
without doing nothing to help myself,
out of this unpleasant daily struggle,
this suffocating stress,
with every aspect of my disappointing mess.

I'm the victim of misfortune, maybe destiny,
and i can't do anything to fix it,
for the damage was too much,
my heart is not brand new,
as it tries it's best to conceal,
its working missing most of it's pieces, beating faintly,
crumbling down, with the winds,
that come gently showing,
the cold peace only death brings.

While i still can't leave,
for i am bound to the friends i made over here,
and the promises i made to them,
i wish i could go, and finally discover,
what it feels to have a full heart again,
meet new horizons of white and blue,
to forget i've ever knew the meaning of pain.

That's the place i'll call "home",
for i've never felt at place in this world,
and i'll wait to meet a person there,
a new happy "me", not sad, like this one.


[DB]

One of the certain things in life is the end, that's something keeps me less nervous.

So Long 11...be gone.

Honestly, of all the years that i've been through, this last one won't be missed, it was a tough one, with many problems on my own, just a few good things to remember, and the main struggle against one of the biggest lies in my life, my family.

In general i've learned a painful(truly painful) lot, about myself, about people around, about the things that surround me, and the things i've learned weren't pleasant, to think that getting older is to get bitter as well, i would never have wanted to grow up.

So then, the result of all that happened, is that i've cultivated inside me a parasite that keeps crawling inside my head, and telling me to get out, to make my life better, not only that, but to make it my own, and i expect to do so too, to be responsible for my decisions and only, and not to blame for whatever my parents did to their lives.

And if it still isn't clear to see, what i'm trying to say, is that i'm going to pursue violently and without stopping the chance to be happy by myself, without depending on anyone, without needing anyone, simply 'cause i'm absurdly pissed off and fed up with all the crap that's been going on, fucking me up and destroying my life.

This is a scream for the whole world to hear, and i'll shout it from the abyss i'm in, cause one day i'll arrise from it, and bring my fists to the face of whoever made my life this mess.

And it doesn't matter how long it takes, but i'll make it...

[DB]

Fuck you, shitty world!!

Schrödinger

Last night i spent some time trying to change my past actions, trying to find a way to make things different, so i went online and revised the characteristics of the Schrödinger's Equation, somehow, i ended up making a relation between the experiment, and how rumors work on people's minds.

I also wrote something about that, don't know if it can be called a poem, but whatever.
So the point is, if you make people belive in things that could happen they can antecipate the consequences, even if such is only a possibility, that being the kind of situation where you could possibly save someone, or lead the same person the it's death, it's an interesting concept, and hope to remember of it later, so i can explore the subject a lot more.

Then now, here's what i wrote:


Schrödinger's Cat

The cat is dead, and it is inside the box,
as an assumption of what some folks wanted to hear,
so the rumor spread and went outside the box,
killing everyone, because they all killed themselves
in despair, and fear of dying,
from the disease that haunts here.

As the many bodies fell to the cold ground,
the cat, who stood inside the box, was alive,
and decided to take a walk among the dead,
seeing no one to play with, he returned to
the box, where he decided to die.

And, when the cat died inside the box, the people
once again alive, were watching the cat's lifeless,
body inside the box.

[DB]


I think i'm the cat, but in the world we all live today, everyone is a cat.

The Old Sour Poems

Recently, i haven't wrote much, mostly because my life is running a little too fast, besides that, i've been taking my spare time to listen to some of the 80's rock and reading some nice books bit to renew my vocabulary, however, i've done a few poems in the meanwhile, but instead of posting all of them at once, i decided to post one-a-day so that the blog doesn't look as dead as it does now.

Situations in my personal life haven't helped much either, the last psychological experiment i made with myself failed, and only made me hate people a lot more than i used to, it's almost like as if i can't get very near them, or else...and that's really about as good as it gets when i'm in a bad mood (and for people's information, i'm always in a bad mood, exceptions are rare cases, and happen almost never).

Anyways, the poem, here it is, and i belive this first one, describes my feelings at the moment.


Grudge

People lost sense of what's right,
i'll tell 'em what i care for,
when i lose my mind, and break them down,
perhaps give in to the hate some more.

'Cuz no matter how long the walk takes,
the pathway to nowhere doesn't seem to
make me forget, that i got many old problems,
so many that i can even call it..."habit".

And so much for pacifism,
what does it help when you're on the smokes,
burning out every bit of yourself,
like coal for the engine that whistles.

"Out of Patience" explains my disorder,
the reason i want to murder my feelings
is the reason that made my heart "Out of Order"
people's actions which dragged me here,
the many things that cause them problems.

Oh the true grudge i have,
i wish to let it out,
so toxic,
it needs to flow out,
of my heart,
while it poisons me,
may it be the antidote,
for the hipocricy of the lot,
and the like.

[DB]

I was thinking about changing my usual last lines, that i always do in the posts, but why care? after all they're always just me ranting about some shit that happened, or the subject of the post...ah to hell with that, it's not a priority.

Straying Far

Oh well, hello there people, how were things in the mid-time?Personally, i don't give a bird's shit about that, and it might seem to be rude of me to behave in such manner, although most of individuals, passerbies, protagonists, antagonists and the like treated me the same way as shown on the lines above.
This last weekend i got to think about it for the 15 minutes of my half-an-hour bath (usually the only time of the day i get to think about stuff that doesn't concern n'or changes my repetitive life, in a philosophical analisis), surprisingly, the subject made me ask myself of how would it be if i tried that behavior for the sake of experimental purposes, also known as "Being Bored".
I made it through today, precisely 2/5 of the weekdays carrying the selfish, egocentric, and acid mindset, pretty much it resumes as an exercise (of course not for the unstable of heart or mind), of changing your "viewpoint" for the period of five consecutive days, acting like the usual, but in moments of reflection about practically anything that comes to your head, you observe them and describe, in a notepad or notebook, as a person of the choosen mindset would do.

Now, the whole experience is not a terrible way of putting yourself into someone else's shoes or at least understand how do you view those who think "that way". I for example picked the one i like to call "Parallel Citzen", "parallel" for the fact it completely ignores the action-reaction happening around him almost cynically, leading him to believe in a self-generated lie that the world does not influentiate neither changes it's life.
I always had the curiosity of understanding why those people actually seem to be a lot happier than me, because in their tiny-little brains, they just fake every kind of alibi to prettend they don't have anything to do with anyone, not even the basic human ethics of life, society, classes, hierarchy and so on.

And for my surprise i'm on to something with this, i'm starting to understand the explanation for those things, and sadly, i'm liking what i'm getting to.

Let's hope i don't end up like them, i can only hope.
[DB]

A Devil's Tongue

One might spend his whole life thinking of ways to change his own fate, others just chase blindly what awaits them beyond the door, i like to shape my own destiny to my will.

Many would think it's quite impossible to play with these things, although, i'd say it's easy as a game of chess. After a certain amount of time playing with the same opponent, you come to realise the pattern of it's moves, with nothing but the king, the priest, and the queen, you'd be left to die in the board, however, it takes a desperate sight, to conclude that those are the most mobile pieces, and you just had your way cleared of the lowly peons and unworthy knights.

Takes a will of iron, and a swift hand of steel, to prevent the incoming losses, yet at the same time advance to point your sword to the neck of the opposing sovereign. With all your might, you have only one chance in this fight, it's only one chance in this life.

As some say, i do have a devil's tongue, and i can't help but thank the one whore who gave me birth, and stained my mortal existance with the dark tones of sin, who taught me everything that is unforgivable in the eyes of God.

[DB]

The Dark Side of the Smiling Moon.

This week has been a tough one, dealing with people while studying for the exams wasn't an easy task. Days were boring, tiresome, and annoying all the same, and of course i got mixed up in some problems, but i managed to resolved them as usual, letting them colide and destroy themselves in the crash.

While returning from school, sometimes i get to see the moon smiling upon me, a sign that i'm not alone, that no matter where i'll be, she's always going to be there, watching over me, and smiling, even in the worst times, giving me hope to move on, and showing me that everything is temporary, and soon enough i'll be with her, up there in the night sky.

Anyways, a changing point in my life is about to come, i can faintly feel it, but as soon as i get to finish school this year, i can start making plans for my future, and most importantly, be able to make them work. It's in times like these that i feel relieved, to notice that phases in my life are passing, time is moving slowly, and everything is functioning, meaning that it's just a matter of will and luck to change the story i'm living, in a way that pleases me.

I hope things come to a point where i get able to choose my own path, by my own hand.

[DB]

And when it doesn't get good, it gets worse.

I still don't know how does this shitty life works, when you're supposed to get the "sweet tastes" it gets bitter, and when it gets bitter, it reaches the most sour taste you could imagine...it's a metaphor if you haven't noticed.

Anyways, when will get my chance at making it big? People i know have hopes on me, and i hope too, but the chances are the worst, i already tried pursuing them, even thought they're just as useless as the others, and i still think God is an evil guy who finds it fun to put me on the spotlight and shake me from side to side, just to laugh at my face.

People simply can't comprehend that i am lazy, that i am demotivated, that i am depressed, and that this way, i won't have strenght to keep going, and it's not even like i'm not trying, the last experiences made made me very pessimist person, and there's nothing i can do about it, so here's a message for those trying to change me:

- Thanks for the support, and effort, BUT I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO CHANGE!

...'cause sometimes you just need to be that obvious.

And so, another week starts, and it's not starting to well, so i suppose by my knowledge, that if it's starting this way, it might probably just get absurdly ironic and unfortunate.

So i leave a poem, for people who just happen to be on to the same situation as me:


The Boat to Eternity.

I've watched the trees growing,
and the farmers with high hopes,
for richer times to come.
The mothers carrying their childs,
anxiously, for about nine months,
inside their wombs.

Both grow, with high expectations,
and life itself offers no chance of prospection.
Like every living being, they're destined to die,
unnevitably,
it's a fact that haunts each and every meaning of life.

I've seen the last autumn leaf fall from the old tree,
nobody pays attention, but the leaves falling mean so much more to me.
Falling leaves are meant to show humankind,
that nothing more than a certain end awaits it,
so don't mind it.

As the natural course of things is bound to change,
the old will depart, and the young will remain,
following their fathers steps,
while their sons follow them again.

They've seen the skies change,
i have seen the time fly.
They've been to places all around,
and i have always watched them from affar.

Death is this arduous journey,
long, and filled with many memories.
Death is always going to be a nostalgic journey.

[DB]

Let's just hope my week doesn't get too bad to tolerate without losing a nerve.

Last week's probation

This week has been a tough one, it got worse everyday little by little, like always, i don't even know how to i find strenght to go through and move on, it seemed like a probation and this time it felt like one, and i ask myself if this is the odd process of becoming a better person.

Anyways, it got even colder here, this weather is somewhat nice, but it makes me wish for someone to hold tight and have by my side, i know i have myself but it doesn't seem enough to cover the need i have for a person that understands me and talks about life in a way that makes me feel confortable, i guess it will keep going this way for some more years.

Somehow, i already got to understand that life is nothing but a test, and one day it get's over, and you're set free, or placed back on the system, or whatever. I personally hope, that after i die i get to rest in a warm place under a tree, seeing the wind blow the leaves, whistling a song slowly with the moon and sun sharing the same morning light sky.

I really get like this sometimes, and the music i'm listening doesn't help at all, at least it sounds damn good and tranquil, almost divine, but well, it's Nujabes so if you know who the artist was or ever listened to one of his songs, you know the feeling of peace that comes from his music,
if not, then by all means, check it out, it's just great if you want to relax, or just chill your mind out.

Well, i'm trying everyday to keep going, since i can't give up easily, it will take a lot more time for me to fall down.
[DB]

Life is certainly the equivalent of Fiction

"Life is certainly the equivalent of Fiction"
Once said the man who resided inside the book.

Have you ever felt like the world is a little too much to take? I can sympathise with you all who came to the conclusion i sometimes forget.
A person i knew died, and i kind felt sorry for him, i kept saying to myself that i shouldn't be an hypocrite and go around crying, since i didn't even considered him a close friend of mine when he was living, however, he was by my side with my friends when i used to live "there" with most of them.

They don't really know how he died, they say it was an accident and the gun shot him in the head while he was taking it out of his bag, others say he killed himself, either way, it must be tough to leave this world so young.

Today i got myself denying his death, remembering the times he was there, being trouble, running around, making me worried about him, just like to any other friend of mine, it's not so sad for me to see them leaving, but it is an annoying game to not forget his memory, yet, to not feel disapointed for his depart.

Of the things i think now, one of them is that life is pretty long, until the day it turns out short at death's fault, i should have called him a friend while i could, treated him like one, and i had the chance all along to try it by myself, irony? No, fate perhaps, life teaches us in the most unusual ways to be better individuals, and we deny it most of the time, at least i hope he's better up there, than he were in here, after all, this life is nothing but a learning process, and in the end, everything that comes from the ground is taken back to ground.

I don't want to sound changed, since changes take time to happen, but i'll be taking note that i should value more the people that show up around me, their ways, and every little memory with them, to not see them leaving, without saying goodbye.

I finish this post, with a poem i made.



A Poor Man's Fairy Tale.

Welcome to the world we live in,
sadly this is the rotten reality,
thought i personaly preffer to dream.

This is the poor man's fairy tale,
the dance of decay,
another step towards the abyss.
Picking rotten apples,
who fell long ago from their trees.

Little do they know,
that the apples are just the same as them,
bitter things,
all worthless, wormy, and putrid with shame.

[DB]

It NEVER lets me rest...

As i grow old, i've come to realize that friendship is a little too rare to be found or made, the old friends i had, all strayed far from me, and i keep walking alone, like a diseased animal, left out of the group for being weak.

Just when i thought i could count on somebody, i got stabbed in the back again, i should start listening to myself, and stop trusting people, or else it will get worse...if you could only know how much my heart screams for vengeance, i wish i could only get a gun and rampage killing everyone in my sight, yet, once again, if i stood alive somehow i'd end up sick with an overwhelming guilt haunting my life to the last days of it.

Of one thing i'm sure, this world isn't my place, i don't belong here, but i must acomplish something and i still don't know what, but makes sense if you get the idea of a personal purpose, and makes even more sense if you think of it as the only bound that keeps me living, an unknown chain that locks me on the ground of my own defeat.

Sadly i haven't found out how to get over it, as if it weren't obvious from the begining, love once again disapointed me, is there love in this world after all?
...perhaps it might be my purpose to find real love, i could even consider it loving someone, but i already do, and it doesn't take much to be my friend especially if you (pretend) are someone with ideals, and some (fake) loyalty, i'm a loyal friend, and i promised myself to never leave none of my friends in need until their last minutes, however, i wish i could meet someone like this to be my friend.

I do remember the time i used to talk to myself through my diary it felt like walking side by side with a younger me, and now it makes me smile faintly, perhaps i'm just another note on that book, and an older me is by my side at the moment, trying to make me feel better, that's the kind of connection, that i can't get anywhere else, and no one else can comprehend.
I don't know if it's love, but i do feel like i'm the only one who can understand me,
breaking the barrier of time and space to confort myself in another reality, another time, it's quite strange, but it's easy to understand once you're used to it.


Take care, young man, i'll be watching you, take care of me too.
[DB] to [DB]

Exams are fine...BUT NOT WHEN IT'S COLD!

It took me sometime, and some strength of will to make me write here again, however, this time i'm not sad, nor depressed, i'm tired, and lazy...and sleepy, that all being said, 'cuz the temperature felt a lot over here, and since i'm the kind of person that "hibernates", i would really enjoy staying at home, filling myself with food, and sleeping, that being possible, if i weren't in the middle of the first exams, in my stupid school.

Say, it's quite anoying that it doesn't snow over here, since i could use an excuse to stay at home, and still delay the exams, but, i consider it a rare possibility since i'm rather the unlucky type.

So here we go with another poem, i've done, and was made to represent the susceed failures on my "dream-only" realationships, hope you like it.


Pale White to Cobalt Blue

The sky is dark again,
a smog of pitch-darkness fills the air,
pillars of thick black clouds,
and a storm shows my pain.

Woman, you should 'ave better learned,
not to play with fire,
a grown man's heart is as thin,
to crumble with desire.

And i was just a little fool,
a piece on your game,
now i am useless to you,
i'm the one to blame.

Boys and girls,
sing this song,
before they go to bed,
the roulette rolls,
rolls-a-rolls,
so by the morning,
they're not dead.

So were my expectations,
when i asked you for pardon,
you closed your eyes,
and kissed me Darling
i called the feeling,
my "free-falling".

Well how was it Darling,
is the taste sweet,
now that i'm a man who can't breath,
who can't love,
who cannot sleep,
now that i am a Man who can't live?

Your vengeance was just,
so explendid,
the poison stained my veins.
From pale white,
to cobalt blue,
the venon painted my brain.

And here laid cold, in this grave,
i repeat myself, and repent for my sins,
don't waste this life, searching for love,
just live, and try to love yourself.

[DB]

...i should start listening to my own advices, someday...

A Little Candy for the Eyes, and some Music for the Ears...

Here's a song, literally illustrating the post i made a while ago, about the "Boy-Toys".
Pratically, i feel exactly like the Coin-Operated Boy (only that people is so cheap these days, that i would be more of a Coin-Distribution Boy).

Anyway, its good music, check it out, i would feel like posting the video, however, since the (THIS SHITTY) blog is cuts the video in half and you can only see the left side of it due to the space for the posts, i leave the link and hope you guys watch it.

Dresden Dolls - Coin-Operated Boy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAnyYTjjhJ0

...shitty blog, can't even post a damn video here...

[DB]

More poems/Living the Everyday Life

These days have been quite tranquil recently, however, as i'm born by the arcana of the wheel,
i'm always aware that the tide is about to change at any minute, and God help me if i've gotten too soft.

But since i've learned to not give up easily, i'll try fighting and standing my ground the best i can, to keep the few good memories, even if it takes bruises and scars, i'm ready for it.

Still, the poet will always be the same old poet, and writting is something i've been doing a lot recently, to keep away me from my "platonic disapointments" and the crude cruelty of life.
I have been drawing and playing flute as well, however, with my cellphone memory card not working, and my old computer broken, it will take a good while before i show the graphical stuff.

Somehow(even if it's a bit off topic), i managed to get female company(really good looking ones by the way) for the last weekend, and God, i didn't knew that i'm still in the love game, either they've lowered dramaticaly their requisite patterns, or (most unlikely) i must be the clint eastwood type, who only get's better as time passes.

Anyways, no more delay, here we go with two more poems.
Hope you enjoy.


The Sickness Story

Another man dies today,
it seems to be the newspaper's talk
still, death is innevitable,
something nobody can take fault.

They say it was unfortunate,
that he died on the streets,
i say "how rude of him,
to depart like that.
The plague is not the culprit,
but is the man who feeds the rats"

The Port stenches of death,
and the air is itself a putrid lament.
The Sick pray to get better,
and the Healthy pray to stay absent.

When will they all learn,
that pain is the only way to understand.
Life is something you can give,
but is 'so something you can take.

And so on goes the story,
of how the plague brought me the glory.
Of how a Man became the Doctor,
and how the Doctor became story.

Fear of God is not the same as Faith,
save your confessions to the Lord,
yet please, don't remain this way,
you got yourself another day, gentleman,
so make good use of it, before it's too late.

Clocks and Watches will still show time,
but what's time to you?
Is it Living life afraid,
While still there's a whole life passing in front of you?

So the dead must be remembered,
but the living should never forsaken,
since it only feels done,
when you live your life every second until the end.

[DB]


Tears in the Dark

I was in love with you,
i had my dream come true,
but now i am through,
remembering you...

I had plans for you,
i have believed in you,
and now in the rain,
you leave me again...

Tears in the Dark!

It was bound to end from the start!
Like a game,
such a shame,
on my heart.

Tears in the Dark!

Our love has faded so fast,
now in the past,
solitude,
at last.

Now i belong alone,
my life is monotone,
i'm at the bone,
singing this song...

Now i'll live alone,
i'm sure that life will go on,
with only myself,
and nobody else...

Tears in the Dark!

It was bound to end from the start!
Like a game,
such a shame,
on my heart.

Tears in the Dark!

Our love has faded so fast,
now in the past,
solitude,
at last...

To get some rest...

[DB]


"Life is just another day dying in the sunlight"

Back in Black

Hi there, sorry i took this much to come back in here, but ends up i got mixed up in a lot, good things, bad things, and seems, i back in the black blog, just like before.
Anyways, i don't have much to discuss, yet still, i have a lot of new poems to share, so i'll start posting one today.

Hope you guys enjoy:

Instropective Ode to Melancholy


Of things in life, there are many most don't see,
so how about i read a poetry of some feelings on me?

Hatred is what i feel, whenever i take a peek outside,
cause everybody else is happy, and i'm stuck somewhere pretending i'm just fine.

Anger is how it is, when people come to blame me,
if only i had a gun, i'd put them all to sleep.

Pain i know too well, i live with it everyday,
and if you think you know what i mean, well,
you probably feel only 1/3 of what i feel today.

Confused is just an excuse, to get me out of the mess,
little know people, that it gets more confusing than it already has.

Darkness you might think, it's when you close your eyes,
but pal did you ever imagined if all your friends left you behind?

Solitude is a normal day to me, but i manage to accept it,
talking to the mirror is just a little repetitive.

However there's a stage, i gladly wait for,
it's called death, death is what i'm waiting for.

DB

Heres a song i've made:


Broken Girl


Do you feel anger,
when you find yourself lost,
just like a stranger?

And how did you got up here,
in the center of my eyes,
like a star who cruises the violet skies?

My memory is just a faint picture of a lady,
who gazes mysteriously into my soul,
and sadly into my lies.


I'll never forget,
this Broken Girl,
who seemed like Doll,
screaming for help,
when she just wanted Love, after all.

I'll never forget you,
Broken Girl,
since love-at-first-sight,
is a restless day,
and a sleepless night.


Days go by,
one by one the trains come and go, and 'wind set sail Oh!
wind set sail on my ship tonight.

I hope you don't feel all alone,
even thought, i'm not quite sure,
of how soon i'll be comming back home.

But, don't mind me my princess,
don't mind me this time,
i'll be yours forever,
as long as you decide to be always mine...


I'll never forgive,
this Broken Girl,
who seemed like Doll,
screaming for my help,
she made me her slave, after all.

I'll never forgive you,
Broken Girl,
since love-at-first-sight,
is a cruel mistress,
as cruel as "Mistress Life".

I'll never forget,
this Broken Girl,
who seemed like Doll,
screaming for help,
when she just wanted Love, after all.

I'll never forget you,
Broken Girl,
since love-at-first-sight,
is a restless day,
and a sleepless night.

DB

...Well, goodbye for now, my unknown guest,
considering the circumstances, i might be posting soon enough, so stay tunned.

~Friday i'm in Love~

Recently i've been feeling a little more happier, maybe 'cuz people around me is finally being able to understand what i've been through, or maybe because i'm getting wise, and noticing that i shouldn't fall so easily for every sad thing that happens.

I don't know if it's something that will last longer, thought i hope so, guess hope, love, and happiness walk together, the fact of having hope in something good, blindly, and going on and on happy, can probably make love a not so hard task, still, i can't get the ones i love to love me, well, that's just life, isn't it?

I any case, i feel like along the whole way, in my life, i must have learned something, that whenever i fall, i must go on, because people around me expect something better than someone who gives up, and that's surely what i'll believe.

Today i'll try to stay happy, i woke up with this feeling of happiness in my heart and i won't let go of it easily.

[DB]

Be Happy!

Once again, love hurts.

Sometimes i ask why it's always the same, when it comes to love, i am the one who get's hurt, because the girl already dates a japanese guy, i don't get it after all, it's always the same.

They always did that to me, and worst of all, they even accepted me between them, but i used to believe, that i achieved that with honor and respect, not as an excuse to be a punch bag, ugh...

Anyways, yesterday was depressing, after the new "discovery", i went home so sad that i couldn't even talk for half an hour, i just took some headache medicine, wich didn't worked, and went bed, i talk to my brother, but not even him, could understand me, guess it's just how sad and hopeless my life is.

Honestly i don't even feel like writting here today, the only last thing i have to show, are the poems i wrote yesterday, when i was trying to forget the situation, but in the end they just made me more sad.

Letter to God:
[DB]

That's how i cry, i have no more tears, because they dried up while i was trying to be strong.

That's how i scream, i have no more grudge, since i've done what i could to earn a comforting voice.

That's how i live, i have no will, for i am the one who depends on people's happyness, to feel less wrong to myself.

Sorry for the times i've cried, i was never scared, but lonely, but wait, sorry, i never meant to disappoint you, thought, i never wanted to disappoint anyone, and so far that's all i've done.

God i'm sorry for the "who" i am, if i could, you bet i would even try to make you proud, but sadly, today i feel like i can't go on.

Don't give up on me, sometimes i can deny, but i know that after all, we both do the best to each other in our ways, i just wish i could be a good person.

A person that wouldn't make others cry.

A person that wouldn't be so weak, and get hurt so easily.

A person that could reflect the light's shine, but i'm just an old candle in the dark, and the wind plays with my small flame, the same way, events do with my faith.

Forgive me for taking your time, you're someone busy, and you don't even have to be bothered by someone pathetic like me, it's just that i wanted to be heard, and i'm losing my hope, since no one listens.

Writting my Tears:
[DB]

Today i drip the few and very rare tears that represent my hope for everything.

There's a black whole inside my chest, and it drains all the strength in me, causing the inertia i feel now.

The last drop of the faith, the love, innocence, and all i once believed was true, will fall sooner or later, but right now i'm just not feeling coward enough to put an end and "paint it red".

If i could just close my eyes and have good memories, but there are none, sad times haunt me, words spoken that cut my face like gentle razors, as the inertia makes me more static in this ocean of my own sorrow.

No hope for the hopeless, no tomorow for "me" as "myself", it's a really bad amount ink that stains this phrases into my soul, because no matter how you try to forget them, they will never forget you.

The inside of my head is made of looking glasses, and a projector, that every time shows my failures, as they pass on, the more i become the murderer of my own respect.

No one cares, the reason is that i'm wrong, i was born this way, i am a toy made to be broken, the song that sounds dull and deaf.

The melody that plays from my broken heart is a lost treasure, that is fake, because it only has it's value for me, and as i descend in to the depths of my corpse, i learn that it's just worthless as i am.

And keeping all those feelings i become the monster i am, the empty and hollow shadow that wanders around the empty mausoleum of someone who didn't existed.

The example of an energy that leads to it's own end i'm the spiral of deception, the cycle that leads one to the end from the end itself, being the abomination of what's living and what's dead.

I'm the profane, and the more i tried to be worth of the blessing, i still have no answer of it's denial.

Wish i could just ask help, but no one can hear, one that can't speak, for this is the way the world works.

The last wish of someone who's always in the end is nothing but to call for someone, and tell him a story, this story is the blank page of every day, the "do your best", and have hope.


Bye, and thanks for not giving a fuck, after all, i'm just as useless and worthless, as i thought.