THE LAST COLD FEELING.

I've had it right now, after some time thinking, and some "practical experiments", i've discovered that my "loved one" A.K.A. "my curse" has a 90% chance of being pregnant in base of some evidences.
Pregnant girls tend to be more lovely with someone who's up to give them attention, so that might explain the "connection" between us both that i earlier thought it was love.
They also tend to carry some clearly visible habits, they tend get more fragile, emotional, besides that, her belly got a little bigger along the way (Earlier, her mother was suspecting that they were having intercourse without protection, about 4 months.), so, i have reasons to doubt of that possibility.

She was trying to get away from her boyfriend (A.K.A. Retarded Asian Asshole) , but somehow they're going together everywhere now, so i think this, and the other evidences(That i'm not going to write here) are enough to place pregnancy as a reasonable conclusion.

Makes me sad to know that, but i once said to my brother, that if something like that happens, there's always the "plan B"(The plan B consists of me saving some money for 2 years, and then going to europe to forget the problems, i was thinking of Russia, i like their culture, maybe i can fit in there).
I also decided to get my old GF back, so i can start using some drugs, and fuck up my life as much as i can, 'cuz the sooner my life ends, the sooner i'll forget her(Even thought, i don't think that it is possible).

Anyways, i decided to change my life right now, and that's a promise(Please remind me if i forget), no matter what happens i'll follow my way, no one is going to stop me, this feeling, these thoughts made me write something, and i think it's a good one so, i'll post it here.

The Last Cold Feeling (Written by Myself[DB]) This is where it ends, the point where it started. The fruit withered in the tree, it never had it's chance to begin with. A soundless scream goes unheard, from inside my chest, breaking decibels, cutting through ears, as it makes itself visible through my eyes. No one wants to get hurt, but we are all wounded, covered in scars that no one sees. We hide our hearts, but in the end, everything is the same. The end is what i live, the end is what i am, and this is the sign, the Last Cold Feeling.

Also i've made some artwork related to my recent feeling, hope you all enjoy, but i didn't, i'm at my worst times, someone help me.

Sahara!

Echoes in a Box

In the last days i haven't talked to my brother, neither my father for what happened.

Somehow it seemed like my brother took a "victim behavior" considering the situation, wich worsened things for me, my father came to my room last night as if the ceiling over our heads were to fall, making questions(not hearing my answers), saying that i was acting strange, and making everyone sad, but there's something to be considered first.

During my whole life(short, compared to people with the same amount of problems), i was always considered responsible for the family dramas that happened,for an example, my stepfather used to call me "the coal that darkens this family", and my mother called me everything she were, materialist, selfish, and in most cases, an horrible person.
The way my life went after people started blaming me for their faults, didn't changed, everyone says the same thing, and no matter what i do, to stop or avoid the problems, people always blame me.

Just like a monster, it seems that everywhere i go, people look at me, and treat me bad(even when i'm trying to help, while no one cares), it's almost as if i were born with a sign saying "SCAPE GOAT" in big, bold and red so then everyone can blame me.
I don't even understand the argument my father said, that i can't be the only one right, and almost everyone wrong, but from what i know, i'm a loyal friend, i preffer to fix everyone else's problems than mines, and most of the times i keep my wounds to myself, just to not bother anyone with my problems, and yet, i'm still a bad person.
I don't have a mutiple-personality issue, and i can assure that i act this way 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and still they take their own conclusions about me,and they never hear what i'm saying.

That's why i decided to use that phrase on the headline.
After my father said i was wrong, that i don't have any friends, and not even my grandparents liked me, i decided to sit at the Gym, and talk to myself(because at least, i can talk, listen and be heard by myself), while my stepbrother was up in the appartment playing the victim, and my father, probably too.
I was unconfortable, talking to myself, in an empty-old-room, with the low lights, it seemed like i was just talking, and my words were echoes in a box, because no one ever cared about me, and worse than that, i'm always responsible for everyone else's problems without even knowing why.

I've made some Artwork, they look kinda nice:


Sometimes i don't know why that kind of things happen to me, i guess that one day i'll get used.
Sahara!

First Post, Artwork for Depression, and Today's Inner Thoughts

So, this is my first post in this blog, and i hope not to be the last one.

I've been a little sad with my life lately, disapointed with really big lots of stuff, and the fact that soon i'll be turning into a man and getting responsabilities, problems, bills, credit cards, work, and more frustating stuff.

The depression i feel is something really interesting, since it inspires me to be more honest and express myself better in whatever i do.

And so, here are the drawings i've done related to my depression.


These drawings("Amateurly" made with MS Paint and edited in Photoshop) are related to the feelings i've felt recently, love, doubt, loneliness.

Since nothing in my life happens the way it was supposed to be, i'm in love with a girl that i'll only be able to have her if a miracle happens, too bad, is that i'm starting to think that they don't exist.

About love, well, when i was young, i thought it didn't really exist, then that i was unnable to feel it, and now, i know what it is, how does it feel, and what's like to be in love.

Different from passion(wich is an obsession), love is that feeling that fills your heart with hot cotton, and makes you feel dizzy, and the time you have, you only spend thinking about this person.You don't want to have her for you, you just want to stay close to this person, so you can feel more dizzy.
It's when you want to protect her, and probably, you would give your life without asking, if her's were to end.

But the worse, is that when we looked at each other eyes we stand there for a minute or two, but it seemed like the best time of my life, and after that we simply couldn't stay an inch far from each other, seeing her go after that, made me feel bad, specially, because she's already got an asian asshole as boyfriend, who aparently is retarded.

That made me feel good for noticing that she likes me too, but also made me sad, 'cuz the circuntances aren't going on my direction.

Sahara!